Every other November 7th, a groundhog (a burrowing rodent unrelated to a pig) peeks his little head up out of the ground. If he sees his shadow, then we get at least two years of attempts to make illegal the burning of rectangular pieces of cloth with particular configurations of colors as well as repeated legislation intended to grant legal preference (and sacks of cash) to the followers of one particular form bronze-age superstition.
If the aforementioned rodent doesn't see his shadow, then we get a two-year respite from attempts to criminalize colored cloth-immolation and legal protections/money to the followers of a single ancient Middle Eastern messianic figure.
. . .and hopefully we also get to lighten up on the wholesale slaughter of thousands of non-messianic Middle Easterners whom we falsely claimed to possess weapons capable of murdering great numbers of people.
(oh, and if you own more than seven vibrators in Texas, you are required to have a license. Really!)
