Hey, just stumbled across a link to a fan-transcription of the script for Vagrant Story HERE. Since I mentioned this game as an example of having a good story, I thought people might be interested in seeing the script.

quote: *There is great discussion on religious freedom, yet the town is centered around a single major religion? One with its own troops. This seems ... unusual.

The town(Leá Monde, I assume?) doesn't really have a religion anymore, as there are no living inhabitants.

LOTS OF SPOILERS...

I assume the anonymous poster is talking about the Cardinal and his Crimson Blades who are the troups of the kingdom's official religion - unnamed, but clearly some version of christianity from all the roods (crosses). Sydney Losstarot is the Rood Bearer, the marked avatar of Mullenkamp, and his cultists would be the reason for the speech about religious freedom, because the Cardinal has been trying to hunt them out of existence for years because they worship Mullenkamp the goddess of the Dark (originally a priestess who basically discovered/tamed magic, made herself the first Rood Bearer, and eventually deified herself), and they can do magic which lends an alarming (to the Cardinal) weight to the idea that their religion is real (they can do miracles). If the Cardinal's religion is some version of christianity, the Cultists' religion is like druidism.

Also as it turns out the Cardinal and his upper level officers (Romeo Guildenstern, Grissom, etc.) actually use the dark to do miracles themselves, as a secret-church-monopoly thing, and they're pissed off that the cultists are teaching their secret tricks to the masses. Thus the Cardinal had been using his religious military force the Crimson blades (think the French inquisition) to try to kill off the cultists.

But the Crimson Blades just aren't that buff, and under Sydney's charismatic leadership and the secret partisan support of Duke Bardoba (who is Sydney's father and (I'm guessing) the previous rood bearer) the cult has grown enough to be considered a military force in its own right, fomenting rebellion and inciting to riot and that sort of thing - that's why the Riskbreakers have been involved for the first time. The Riskbreakers are like the FBI, that's why the report has that location and timestamp - because the organization that made it is very similar to the one in the X-files despite the game's culture being rather 16th century. Keep in mind that the game is nominally set in France and the Cardinal here is a parallel for the villain Cardinal in _The Three Musketeers_ - Cardinal Richelou, IIRC.

So if the Crimson Blades are like a state militia and the Riskbreakers are like the FBI, when they do a joint mission together you can see why the Blades are supposed to follow the Riskbreakers' orders even if the two forces are not in the same chain of command.

[edited by - sunandshadow on June 13, 2003 11:58:49 AM]

I agree with Anonymous Poster. Definitely not a script. Overdramaticized and lacking subtlety. Tries to hook the action too early without establishing even a semblance of setting or character. Definitely the result of underwriting by way of overenthusiasm. People will wait ten pages for a hook if your pace and duologue/action is approaching the conflict description, or problem exposition to use the vernacular.

Also, this is a classic case of not knowing when your story starts. Just that alone saves tons of talking head monologues or sentences that try to cram too much action into them forsaking dramatic build.

I would help a story that had promise, but this band aid I graciously admire Anonymous Poster for providing.

You realize you posted this on Friday the 13th?

Adventuredesign
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You know, Socrates never told us that ''know thyself'' sometimes came by way of ''scare thyself''.

When you play the actual game, there is a certain timing to each line. A couple obviously don''t work, like the whole Sydney speech, but take this one for example:

Ash: That''s what I''m here to find out. It does seem well fortified for a wine cellar...
Mer: Oh? Leà Monde''s wineries once vied with the best of Valendia. Since they went out of production, the remaining sell for a premium.

Theres a break between Ashley''s two lines, and Merlose''s lines come out slowly, meanwhile the two are moving about analyzing the area. The lines work because of the timing.

As for the two timestamp thing, they only do this during the intro while Agent Merlose and Agent Riot are there officially. Also, these timestamps are on reports that are (supposedley) being presented in the nation''s Parliament. If you read the instruction manual, they present the story like a report to the parliament, and mention ashley riot''s disappearing into Lea'' Monde as "a week ago." Once Ashley leaves the manor, the timestamps stop.

Actually Grissom is the one who gets turned into a zombie, the Crimson Blades'' leader who skinned Sydney is Romeo Guildenstern. (Also the one who murdered his girlfriend Samantha as a sacrifice.)

Now the question is, how does the dialoge about how Sydney must end the cursed Bardoba family fit with the fact that Joshua (silent little blond kid) is rescued and survives? Is Joshua really Sydney''s little brother, or is there some funky time warp going on and that''s the young Sydney? (Note that Sydney''s spirit self who talks to Merlose looks identical to Joshua.) I was really hoping that this would all be resolved by variant or new dialogue available in the game+, but no, there was nothing - I was very dissapointed.



So speaking of dialogue - since lots of people seem to find _Vagrant Story_''s dialogue awkward, though I rather liked it - what games have excellent dialogue? I''m playing Chrono Cross this week, and some of its dialogue was really witty, although some was lousy. My favorite:

Mushroom Guy - Hey, let me tell you what I found! I found this [insert descr. of funky mushroom and where it was found]. Don''t you envy me?

You - I envy you.

Mushroom Guy - I thought so, I thought so!