I told you all I would try once more and here it goes. (to those who read my last attemt I have taken out a few of the flaws) OUTBREAK By Kyle Allan ‘For in there mouth there is no truth’ – Psalms 5,9 Part One: The unexpected beginning The year is 2024 and the world has changed so much so fast it is beyond God’s power to help those who need salvation from the evils that torment them. Our fate was sealed some 6 years ago when a deadly Virus wiped out the population of France and parts of Germany leaving what can only be described as ‘nothing’ no life, no noise, no animals…nothing. The rest of Europe and parts of Russia were evacuated in what was called ‘The Removal’. Over 2.7 million people were deported to either Asia or America to live in ‘Quarantine Wards’ that were specifically designed to contain evacuees or infected. Those who didn’t have any trace of infection were either sent to sheltered housing and if there was no space left they had no choice but to try and live on the streets. But to the dismay of all the virus that had now been dubbed ‘The JENI Infection’ was slowly working its way over to American and when it hit millions of lives were lost in one day and at the end of that day thousands were expiring by the second. The overload of bodies were either lying on the street or shoved into the sewer as the morgues were completely full. The next day the U.N. accepted a idea to shield the last remaining cities on earth using a new Force technology that would allow the residents to remain safe but also see to the outside world…what was left of it anyway. After three months of work the shield cities were ready to be switched on and 56 million people were selected to live in each of the 4 cities ( City 1-stretches from NY to San Francisco and also to parts of Toronto, City 2-covers nearly all of South America, City 3-is Australia and New Zealand, City 4-is Asia and parts of Russia ). Those not selected were just left on the outside that today we call ‘The Forbidden Territory’s’. Now in 2024 the outsiders have rejected the ‘Inner World’ and accepted the outside even though the Force-Fields pollution was affecting the sky (even if its not going to rain the sky is always cloudy). Also the New York Law Enforcement Agency (not the police) keep a very strict 19:00 cufew for all the inner cities residents and Exile any who break it. Yet all of this was sure to come down to something big…. Comments???

quote: Original post by CHASIS-BLADE
...its way over to American and when it hit millions of lives were lost in one day and at the end of that day thousands were expiring by the second....

...After three months of work the shield cities were ready to be switched on and 56 million people were selected to live in each of the 4 cities ....

Overall it sounds good, the only part I was a little confused about was how did they get through the 3 months if thousands of people where dieing every second, it would seem to me that if it was speading that fast then wouldn''t it spread worldwide within the 3 months?

I''m thinking that all you need to adjust if you want to cover this is make it so that america was quarinteened and no traffic came in and out of it while the rest of the world was broken into the 4 cities..

Please visit Turt99 Productions

Been reading some Judge Dread lately? Altough the comics refer to your dome cities as mega cities.

It seems rather breif I felt you didn''t take the time to elborate on any of the topics, instead you condensed them all into a extremely brief summary.

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Writer, Programer, Cook, I''m a Jack of all Trades
Current Design project
Chaos Factor Design Document

Sorry I will fix this:

''Overall it sounds good, the only part I was a little confused about was how did they get through the 3 months if thousands of people where dieing every second, it would seem to me that if it was speading that fast then wouldn''t it spread worldwide within the 3 months?

I''m thinking that all you need to adjust if you want to cover this is make it so that america was quarinteened and no traffic came in and out of it while the rest of the world was broken into the 4 cities..''

Well Turt99 the remaining survivors were kept in a quarintine ward were they were kept clean and germ free.
Also about the traffic thing - why would people want to leave there homes when a fatal infection was ravaging the planet???.
The only traffic they got was the materials to build the 4 cities.

''Been reading some Judge Dread lately? Altough the comics refer to your dome cities as mega cities.

It seems rather breif I felt you didn''t take the time to elborate on any of the topics, instead you condensed them all into a extremely brief summary.''

TechnoGoth im sorry but thats my story I cant take out the Dome-Cities they are a vital part of the story...and no I dont read 2000.AD i just hate Judge Dread.
Also about the ''breif summary'' thing that was just the prelude the rest will be posted tonight.

A very good start, you''ve gotten me interested. I have one question, though: is the virus connected later on to the plot of the story? It adds a lot to a story to have many seemingly unconnected events come together in the end. If the virus has nothing to do with the story except setting up the world as the characters know it, then I''m sure there''s another way in which you can tie the dome scenerio to the plot.

Also, how long do you think it would take to build dome cities of this magnitude? I''m sure with the population of the world this devistated, the building of these cities would take longer than you think. Also, if the dome''s are that big... the USA''s population is about 270 million people now. If the domes are the size they are, can''t many more than just 56 million people fit in each one? As it is, there are many places in the US that have population densities of about five people per mile, or so, which means that the area you describe for the North American dome could hold, I believe, at least 500 million people, although it might be slightly crowded, they won''t care as long as they are alive. Can''t wait to see more of your story.

Part Two: Duty

The new day dawned upon the city still no sunlight could be seen just cloud gathering as if it was going to rain.
In a small alleyway somewhere in the Forbidden Territories a young boy awoke to the smell of rotting corpses but it did not matter to him as he had already smelled it before.
He stood up and left the alley wiping some dirt off his shoulder and adjusting his shoe, he then took a letter out of his pocket and began to read it.
‘Michael, if your reading this its Thursday morning, just hang in there you’ll be back home tomorrow morning, D’arci will meet you tonight at Exodus around seven-ish, gotta go yours Sonny.
The boys name was Michael, he is 14 years old with long messy hair, a slightly ripped green sweat-shirt and blue pants with blood stains, he had 2 9mm’s in holsters attached to his jeans at the back and a short sword resting next to them.
After reading the letter he put it back in his pocket all scrunched up in a ball, he decided to go get some grub but before he could think of anything he saw something in the distance that looked like a rocket.
He knew that the rocket he saw go up was about 2 blocks from his current location and then he figured it out, that was the same location were David keeps all his guns, rockets and swords. He got his guns ready and set off for the warehouse running all the way, the sweat was running off him and his muscles were sore but he knew he had to press on because he would not like to see David with a angry face on.
On arrival he jumped the fence and opened the door and as soon as he did his ears were bombarded with the sound of guns going off and his nose could smell the gasoline from the flame-throwers.
And then he saw the cause – two men who looked like they were in there early 30s were playing with the guns as if they were toys, Michael had seen this before – they were high on ‘Rhapsody’ which was a new drug that was spreading through the forbidden lands like wild fire.
Michael shouted ‘Stop!!’ and as soon as he did the two thugs turned around and said ‘You want..want some cand…andy little boy CLAHHHHH’.
‘Yeah right you freaks could never get enough Rhapsody to settle your nerves’ said Michael as he slowly pulled his guns from the holsters.
‘You…….fight..memememe….now?’ said the second thug like he was drunk, Michael looked at him and said ‘Yup’ and as soon as he said that he shot a bullet right into his head and the thug fell over dead.
The other thug looked over at his dead comrade and said ‘bastard wasn’t….quik…i.i.i mean quick..enough’ Michael pointed his gun at the other thug and said ‘too true’ as he began to squeeze the trigger but at the last minuet the thug tried to shoot him using his Uzi pistol.
The stream of bullets were slowly working there way over to Michael but at the last second he jumped away and drew his sword and struck him, the thug fell over and fell unconscious but Michael drove his sword right though his head – he had a spasm and then fell silent.
Mike put his sword all bloody and stained back on his holster and left the building without regretting what he just did, he looked at his watch that now said 11:07am and decided to find some food yet his destiny was about to unfold that very night.

No. I don''t like that part. The fourteen year old kid is overly violent, and there is too much blood. There hasn''t been an adults only game for a while, but it looks like you''re trying to make one. Take out some of the blood. Perhaps the kid can point the guns at the men, but he doesn''t have to kill them! This society can be a little nuts, but that''s no reason to have this kid be a murderer, with no remorse, etc. I like your story other than that, but making the main character evil just makes the player dislike him. Making him dark, and just having him aim towards the two men makes us wonder what makes this kid like that.