Basics: In 2010, a filthy rich scientist named Alexander Polasky was sent to an island prison called the Impenetrabble. It was enclosed in four, ten-foot thick, hundred-foot high concrete walls. At every corner, a tower that stood higher than the walls, manned with a sniper and spotlight each. Inside the walls, there were originally two towers, one taller than the other. The taller was for good inmates. The smaller was for the exceptionally bad ones. When Polasky came, he funded a third tower, which was a lab, library, and a place to live for the friends of Polasky, where he educated them to help him. He was allowed to perform experiments. There were under-the-table deals between Polasky and the warden, a veteran named Nick Borlan. Polasky’s experiments were creating chemical weapons and steroids for the guards. But Polasky was planning chaos. He put gene-altering substances in the steroids and was even secret giving inmates shots. Polasky was waiting for the perfect time to implement his plan, and got it when the warden asked for tranquilizer bombs in ever room of every tower, which were to be activated by a remote control. By 2015, nearly all inmates had received shots, and it showed. Hostility in the prison had greatly increased until, one day, there was a riot. Borlan set off the bombs, knocking out nearly everyone. The only people who weren’t affected were those in automated solitary confinement. The gases in the tranquilizer bombs mutated all that had taken shots. The more shots one took, the more radical of a change there was. You: You are Mark Gideon, a former special ops agent. You were locked up for starting a major riot, which caused millions in damages and a few dozen casualties. The Story: You wake up after fourteen days of solitary confinement and a day without food. The door of your cell is open, thanks to the automated machinery. Your first instincts lead you to the mess hall to eat. You scrounge up some food, and quickly eat. You begin to walk around and find inmates and guards are all knocked out. You pick up and handgun from a guard and go outside to see if anyone’s awake in the other building. Once outside, you find that others are awake, but they’re deranged. Their bodies have changed and they’re going at each other. Once you walk out, they go after you, the fresh meat. The Goal: Find a way out of the prison, anyway you can. Notes: I originally thought of the prison concept while thinking of a Resident Evil story, i.e. what would happen if the virii were unleashed in a prison full of steroid-pumped guards and maniacal prisoners. I changed it around so-as to be semi-original. What do you think?

not sure what your looking for in terms of respones but.
So instead I'll ask questions:

1) What kind of prison is it?

2) Are the prisoners the most dangerous criminals, lunitcs, or military prisoners?

3) Why would the door automatically open? thats not a very secure system.

4) What other automated defenses are there?

5) What happened to the rest of the guards? I assume there must have been secure areas outside the tranquilized areas.

6) Did Mark recive the inject?

7) Does the gass linger in tace amounts after the release.

8) If so to the last two, does that mean Mark will begin to mutate?

10) How Do you access the other areas in the prison? Afterall it is a prison they don't let prisoners roam around as they wish.

11) What contact does the prison have with the outside world?

12) How do prisoners enter and leave the prison?

13) Is there a door or does a helicopter arrive once a week to exhance prisoners,guards and supplies?

14)Whats outside the prison?

15) Are there other experiments of Alexanders roaming around.

16) What are the remaining unifected prisoners doing now? The infected?

17) What about the guards?

Hope that helps.

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Writer, Programer, Cook, I'm a Jack of all Trades
Current Design project
Chaos Factor Design Document



[edited by - TechnoGoth on November 21, 2003 1:51:53 AM]

Overall, an excellent plot. However, I have a few questions concerning some flaws which you may want to look over.

1) Why did Polasky want to cause havoc in the jail in the first place? (what pushed him to do it, basically)

2) Why exactly did the guards need chemical weapons and steroids? The snipers should be able to handle things just fine.

3) How did Polasky get his gene-altering substances into the jail without them being spotted? (usually all visitors'' posessions are thoroughly examined before they are allowed into any jail)

4) Why would the inmates accept the shots? (what did Polasky say to them so that they would take it? ie, "Psst, hey, this shot will help you out, man....")

5) Steroid injections over the period of 5 years would probably be noticed when the inmates suddenly had bulging muscles. Did the guards not notice this, or was there really no change due to small amounts of steroids being injected?

6) How radical of a change was the mutation exactly? Did they transform into hideous creatures with new limbs or abilities, or what?

7) Why would tranquilizers trigger the gene-altering substances? Did Polasky modify the tranquilizer bombs with some sort of activation chemical?

8) Mark Gideon''s reason for being in jail doesn''t quite fit for the situation... Causing a riot would probably get you put in prison, but not in a place of such high security as described. The deaths that occured would not be Gideon''s fault; he only set things in motion, but did not commit the actual murder. However, if he purposely started the riot in hopes to get someone killed, then perhaps. (Maybe make this into something more punishable... say, Mark Gideon perhaps got put in this jail because he purposely fired at and killed another ops agent on his team or something, because of some super-angry conflict betweent the two)

9) Mark Gideon casually collects some food from the cafeteria... was it automatically served to him? If not, who was there and why? Also, wouldn''t Mark notice that the cafeteria was fairly empty? (I suppose you could cover for this by saying that it wasn''t "Lunch Time")

10) What about outside communication? As soon as the riots broke out and got somewhat out of control, one of the snipers or any of the many guards in the jail could have called someone outside of the prison. Also, commonly someone would be checking in on the jail from some other place, the mayor of the city perhaps. When they didn''t receive any information back, wouldn''t they notice something wrong?

11) What happened with the snipers? When the fights and whatnot broke out into the courtyards, the snipers could have pretty much killed anyone and everyone.


That''s pretty much it for questions. I hope those help you with perfecting your story and getting it out there, because it''s a good idea. And yes, my first thoughts were of Resident Evil. Be sure that you try to rearrange it even more so that people don''t accuse you of creating a rip-off.

Take care.

TechnoGoth:
1. Maximum security. Think Alcatraz-- built to be inescapable.
2. Prisoners with a high escape risk, or those who have severe punishments, for unequally severe crimes.
3. It''s automated. Guards would''ve usually been there to escort the prisoner elsewhere. Under the circumstances, they were all napping.
4. Good question.
5. No, every room but the solitary confinement cells had tranquilizers in them. (I just though of a good reason as to why.) The cells are so small that if a foreign gas had been in there as well, the occupant would''ve suffocated to death.
6. No.
7. It''s diluted enough by the time Gideon gets out, which is a day after the bombs are set off, so that Gideon is no tranquilized.
8. No, Gideon does not transform.
9. Learn to count. (Kidding, kidding. ^_^)
10. Different guards have different keys, which lead to different areas. There are also three towers to explore.
11. Little to none.
12. Air transport.
13. Military helicopter.
14. It''s on an island, so a whole lot of water.
15. I was thinking animals commonly found old buildings and open areas could be used as lab-rats. For example, rats found in cells and pelicans and pigeons found on top of the building and such. Guard dogs, too, maybe. (Cerberus?)
16. The infected are both going after each other, and Gideon. There may be one-two unaffected people in the prison besides Gideon, like a guard. He would definitely need one more person to help him out, and they could use guard walkie-talkies to communicate, which would open up the possibility of a still intellegent mutant knowing where they are at all times. (Nemisis?) This idea mostly comes from Metal Gear Solid and Metal Gear Solid 2.
17. All guards, except maybe one, are affected, deranged, and carrying riot control weaponry. (Stealth would be necessary for going up against guards, but not the prisoners, who have no weaponry.)

Omega147:
1. Polasky was bitter because he was there. Wouldn''t you be?
2. They needed the chemical weaponry and steroids to have an edge against the prisoners. You''ve got to think that guards are heavily out-numbered against the prisoners. The snipers were there just to prevent escape, and four snipers wouldn''t be able to reach every room each three towers.
3. When he requested the materials needed for the warden''s tranquilizers, he also got his and no one knew the difference.
4. Word of mouth. Polasky would spread rumors, "Hey, the guards are planning something. If you want to survive, you''ll need this." Polasky would manipulate, "Sick? Take this." Whatever way he could.
5. Most prisons have work-out areas, a great cover.
6. Paler skin, looking more ''ripped,'' maybe wounded for attacking each other and possibly gangrene because of infectious wounds.
7. There was an activating agent in the tranquilizers.
8. Good thinkin''. I''ll give it some more thought.
9. Leftovers from the previous meal line, like a la carte or a high school lunch line.
10. Not receiving a reply would be the perfect reason for a military helicopter to come. Maybe, a desperate message from the warden causes them to quarentine (sp?) the area.
11. Their job isn''t so much to keep people in check, but to keep prisoners from escaping. My idea was that Gideon would have to get a sniper rifle from the armory to take out the snipers before leaving. The sniper towers could possibly have thinner walls than the rest of the prison, and that would be a great way to escape.

I''ve been thinking about how Gideon and his yet unnamed partner would escape. I was thinking that there could be a twist ending, such as Gideon is able to contact the military and gets on top of a tower to be picked up. When the helicopter gets there, they just shoot him. ^_^ I was thinking along the lines of Tom, Dick, and Harry. Every tower would have an escape route. I was thinking of blasting through the walls or using something to scale the walls. I was thinking Polasky and the Warden would make major bosses. I was also thinking that inspectors would be there and Polasky told them they needed a shot, in case of any odd diseases. Then the bombs would go off and the inspectors would become bosses. I don''t know what else right now.

So basically Polasky was rather bitter at being incarcerated (never told us why, maybe because he had started these experiments outside the prison and had been caught??) and one day got out of bed and decided to mutate the entire complex.

Nah, you''ll need more than that. Good work on the rest of it though, but I think Polasky needs more motivation.

SketchSoft OFFLINE | SketchNews

What about good ol'' carnage? From my point of view, I don''t see why there would need to be a reason beyond the fact that he was locked up. I mean, I''m sure being in prison has various different affects on different people. understand where you''re coming from, in the fact that it''d be good to have a reason. Maybe he was dillusional? Maybe his own experiments drove him insane?

Also, it wasn''t a spontaneous thing. He''d been working on it for five years. It was a well thought-out plan. (At least I think so, since I came up with it. ^_^)

How big is this prison, are we talking Ico''s castle size (about six hours to complete), or enormous (perhaps fifteen hours of good playing). Perhaps have Polasky having some of the prisoners digging an elaborate system of tunnels to serve as a base for operations and also for eventually emerging onto the mainland world. This could expand gameplay, and make for a freaky showdown deep underground. As these mutants have had steroids to the max, this would mean they could dig like crazy, and it would be totally believable to find a complex subterranian system developed by Polasky secretly for the past five years (after all, a whole tower for just one person? Certainly he would find certain inmates to be desireable companions and guinea pigs.) Those are just my thoughts. You have some great ideas there, but there definately needs to be something major to set it apart from the Resident Evil series.

What about a "doping" aspect? Allow the player to find injections along the way that can permently boost your stats. However each time you take one you mutate just a little, and if you take to many then you turn into one of the crazed mutants running around the base and its game over.

also it still doesn't seem very beliveable that the solitary confinement cells are the only secure areas in the complex. Its not very releastic, there would be many secure place in the prison where the guards would be. That would not be effect by the gas. Afterall whats the point of knocking out all the prisoners if that also knocks out all the guards? Especially if the prisoners start waking up before the guards. Have they not heard of gas masks?

Also why was the warden and polsky affected, if anyone in the prison was going to be somewhere safe from the gas it would be them. Also why would either of them be taking the experimental drug, thats doesn't seem like a smart idea. Espically for polsky who knows what it does.

I guess I could see the warden being infected by something diffrent maybe after the riot gas is released the warden confronts polsky about whats happening to the prisoners and polsky betrays him and injects him with a special chemical.


The problem with the prison setting is the moving around the prison aspect. Its not something that can be done easily, espically one thats been locked down for rioting. Thus sealing the cell blocks. Basically you have to relized that if theres a door between one cell block and the rest of the cell blocks, then that door can't be opened from the inside someone outside in a control room press a button to unlock it.

Although I like the co-op idea it could add some intereteresting gameplay elements. Such as you have to work together to gain access to parts of the prison, maybe you have to meet him at times to swap keys or items. You could also decieded on courses of actions to take such as, telling him to try and access the tower 1 control room why you try and get to the weapons locker.

Depending on how flexiable the code you may want to allow the partner to die at points thus removing his help for the remainder of the gmae.
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Writer, Programer, Cook, I'm a Jack of all Trades
Current Design project
Chaos Factor Design Document



[edited by - TechnoGoth on November 25, 2003 3:23:58 AM]