An excerpt from a script for a game called Trinity Crisis I recently completed. Please note that the main characters were already done/drawn out, so basically all that was needed on my part was plot and dialogue. Anyways, c and c would be much appreciated. IN addition, this scene is after the opening movie, whereas the game''s concep is explained a bit. ********************* Aramus, about 15 or 16 in age, is in his bed tossing around before he gets out and jumps out of bed. Aramus What a wild dream. *laughs* The Immortal… I remember the Elder telling stories about him…” He gets dressed, before leaving the house and walking. Aramus But that dream was so vivid… I must tell the Elder about it! He looks up at the just rising sun and shakes his head. Aramus Man, it is too early in the morning for this! Let’s see… I believe his house was this way… Here is where the player learns about following red arrows and such. A red arrow pops up, showing the player where to direct Aramus. Text Box When an arrow appears, simply press the directional keys in the direction indicated. These arrows show where to move to next, in order to progress through the game. Aramus follows the direction indicated, until he comes to the Elder’s place. He walks in, and the Elder welcomes him. Elder There must be something on your mind to get you up THIS early in the morning Aramus. What is troubling you? Aramus Well Sir, you see I had this dream. Elder Dreams are just that Aramus, dreams. Aramus But this was different… it was so real! There was this Immortal guy and a warrior wielding a HUGE blade! Elder whispered to self The Immortal… that cannot be right. Aramus They both fought, and both struck each other at the same time! They both died but these three balls of light came from The Immortal as he fell and... The Elder nods. Elder Yes…in a time long past there was such a battle. The blade, it was called the Divino Blade. Aramus Sir… what could this mean? Why did I have this dream? Elder I see this as a sign Aramus, a sign from the Heavens. You must have been chosen to become the blade’s new owner. Aramus Are you sure? I mean I have a small blade already… Elder You are a young warrior of our town, and one which I have every reason to believe in. The Divino Blade is held in Lydan, under the guard of the village Elder himself. It will not be easy to get. Aramus Then I will just have to defeat the Elder! Aramus runs out as the Elder shakes his head. Elder Impatient lad… it will be a miracle if he lives to be eighteen. Looking for a script-writer? Feel free to contact me at siriusstar13@haoo.com or on my AIM: Sirius Griffon

Hmmm... very... run of the mill...

Honestly that could be one of thousands of games... In fact I'm quite sure that thousands of games with this exact story are already out there.

The dialog is, to be frank, a cornball... For example

quote: What a wild dream. *laughs*

I havn't seen writing like that since the Final Fantasy games of the mid 80s. As for the description of the dream, I hope the intro shows more than we are told, otherwise this Elder guy is doing a shedload of reading between the lines. It looks to me like hes ignoring the lines altogether in favour of his own fancy... And totally changing his opinion within two minutes?

quote:
Dreams are just that Aramus, dreams.

...

I see this as a sign Aramus, a sign from the Heavens. You must have been chosen to become the blade’s new owner.

Talk about your polar opposites...

I'm sorry, but this needs a lot more work to be anything more that worth a few slightly embarressed groans...

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[edited by - doodle_sketch on March 3, 2004 10:17:23 AM]