Hey folks, I'm extremely bored at work.. Extremely.. I thought up a couple of lines for a short story while walking up some stairs, so while I had some downtime tonight, I wrote this story. Please critique, I like constructive criticism and would really like to hear what you all think.. Its not my best work admitedly, but it is probably my fastest!! Thanks in advance.. ----------- It's calm. I'm calm. Mostly because my footsteps are so slow, almost theraputic. Right leg moves forward, slowly following is my left. Each step echoes on the stone walls, and each step refuses to elapse the echoes. Theres a distinct ending of each, none start before the last has ended. Like a scripted movie these sounds are, and through them I can almost see my own body walking. And like the echoes that accompany my step, I know the men are still back there following along as well. They dont bother me, not anymore. I dont blame them, and its not their fault. They just blindly follow. I'm both tired and anxious. Anxious because I'll soon be no longer tired. Tired, because Ive waited for so long. Its been 15 years.. well, 14 years and 10 months. Im amazed I even know how long its been. I cant even remember my first day now, something I never thought I would forget. In fact, the only day I can recall, is today. Partly due to the fact that today is the only time I can remember being greeted. Someone said hello to me, a guard of some sort I think. He probably didnt even know what today meant for me, although, I cant imagine one of the guards showing that much of a heart. One more corner to turn. No living inmate has ever seen the room, afterall, nobody has ever come back. But somehow, we all know where it is, we all anxiously want to be there in another's place. But today, its finally my turn. Today is the day that I have finally paid my debt. I owe nothing more to society, I owe nothing to another human on this entire Earth. In my life, I would never have thought that these were my final thoughts. Death to me is not a penalty anymore. Death to me is nothing more than a final stepping stone. I have paid the time that I owe, now one finally payment in the amount of my life, and I will finally have peace. I hope I have peace. Gods gift to mankind is a sort of peace, something that I have learned in my time here, and today is my turn to recieve the gift. I mutter the lords prayer to myself as I take my final seat. A hooded man is fastening me in. I've closed my eyes now, and am finishing my prayer. "..and the glory, forever and ever. Ahmen" Lord I am not an evil man, and I am not a perfect man. Ive made a mistake, and paid my time. And here I am now, at your mercy. Lord, I am coming, please take me.. I have made my peace. I'm ready to die. [Edited by - Nahoopii on November 2, 2004 1:39:53 PM]

Thanks for the feedback Onyx. Im hoping that the voice of the man comes over ok. I wanted to show some level of remorse without really going into detail, and at the same time, not extremely guilty.. just a certain amount of remorse. Ive edited the small gramatical mistakes that you mentioned. Ive also noticed that I tend to use too many words in the same lines that phoenetically sound too alike, did you find that made it hard to comprehend or comfortably make it through?

(Note: I already made one change that I was really displeased with when this occured)