Hello i am new here at gamedev and i love it.Great site. So the reason i am posting is to get some advice from writers who know what they are doing.I myself am a coder and not a writer but hey i'm trying.The game me and my team plan on creating is a post apocalyptical themed rpg.It is not youy typical p-a rpg though as it will contain vampires! Yes i know what you are thinking that what i am doing is stupid but i really think i will be able to integrate vampires in a p-a society and also make them appealing.So what i would like feedback on is what you would like to see in this world. Well this is a small preview of the world i have been creating so far: Setting: The year is 2065, 40 years after a global catastrophe occurred. It happened so fast that people barely got to see the flash of light coming towards them. Hundreds of millions died and all that mankind had struggled to achieve was shattered into oblivion. Cities were gone in just a few short seconds wiped away by the devastating power of nuclear warheads. When it was over all was quiet, it would seem that mankind was annihilated, but there were some that made it to safety and managed to survive somehow during all this. The world has changed much, some people have been living in underground vaults and fallout shelters and have been sealed off from the rest of the world, others have barely managed to survive on the surface and have suffered serious mutations or worse. But the flow of shocking events is not over as vampire communities and factions have started to emerge around the world. Different vampire factions have made their existence known to humans, mostly because it would be much harder then before to keep their existence a secret. Some are more willing to cooperate with the human civilization, others who keep to themselves and prefer to consider humans as a source of food. They seem to be somewhat resistant to radiation and their ability to hibernate for long periods of time has helped vampires to survive. The once beautiful continent of Europe has now turned into a radiated wasteland. The radiation levels vary throughout the desert, the safest places being the places furthest away from ground zero, where the bombs went off. Radiation has affected the way the world was once in many ways. Animals as well as humans have all changed in one way or another due to the mutagens which led to the creation of new unique species. Mutated humans are referred to by others simply as mutants, each one being unique in one way or another as the radiation had different effects on each person exposed to it. Mutants are not welcomed in some human settlements but not all, they have their own cities and communities in which they try to survive by working together. Europe is probably the most affected region in the world as genetic viruses and bombs have thoroughly decimated the population who was taken by surprise. The governments are dissolved and the state institutions have turned into bickering factions struggling for survival. Much has happened that has changed mankind forever, many say that man is doomed and that there is no hope, but still the struggle for survival takes place each day so perhaps there is still hope. I would appreciate any feedback and advice on how you would do things.Thanks. Edit: updated story and fixed typos. [Edited by - Slay on November 10, 2004 4:26:49 AM]

If you're not a writer, I'd suggest getting someone who is to help. A place in the credits isn't a great price, and if you don't like where they take things, you can change it.

As for your world, it could work well or terribly, depending on what you do with it. Even cheesy, trite worlds and conflicts can be used to produce good results. (Zombie movies come to mind.) Similarly, a good idea can be poorly executed and leave much to be desired (*coudxiiugh*).

You've detailed the background plot, humans vs vampires, and were kind enough to make it more than single-sided. And you mixed genres, which is often a good thing. In my opinion, everything went too quickly--if the apocalypse was so great that nobody remembers what it was to any degree (and that just thirty years ago), how are there corporations in a position to succeed normal governments? They pretty much depend on governments, if not as a source of loans and revenue, at least as a guarantee of currency.

Nobody remembers what happened during the catastrophe? No, there are almost certainly some few people who do. The question is, are they important or even relevant? In either case, you should know. That could well be integral to the plot. Who started the devastation? Who created the vira, who ordered them to be made into weapons, and who launched them? Was this a plot by a group of vampires, or merely a serendipitous event? If the latter, what do the conspirators think of the vampires? Are they accepting, welcoming? Are they enemies? Are they ignoring the vampires?

What are the mutants doing? They have their own coalitions, but they've mainly been relegated to the status of lepers, forced to shout out "Unclean! Unclean!" for others to avoid them. They might well be resentful enough to feel a greater kinship toward the vampires than toward regular humans. At the very least, they're like the Dwarfs from CS Lewis' "The Last Battle" ("The Dwarfs are for the Dwarfs!" they shouted as they shot both opponents' arriving reinforcements).

How are the ordinary people surviving? (subsistence farming, most likely) How much of a threat are the vampires? Do townspeople gather together to kill one who's discovered to be sucking human blood, or do they kill every one they see? How much of a Salem witchhunt is it?

What do vampires consume other than human blood? Livestock might be costly; rodents are too small to provide much of a meal. Perhaps something that eats rodents and gets large--some sort of snake? Bloodsnakes would have utility in farms, too, replacing cats and terriers (which might be rarer due to the mutagens).

How did vampires survive pre-apocalyptically? Did they all hunt humans? Did some protest, and if so, what happened to them? Are they completely unable to survive on anything but blood--that is, would a saline solution of glucose, vitamins, and so forth be an acceptable alternative? Must it be human blood?

You don't have to know everything about a world in order to write about it, of course, but there are a lot of things that become relevant very quickly, and some tantalizing bits that perhaps should become important. Once you have a good idea, write it out, then give it to someone exactly as it would appear in the game. Don't explain anything to them until you've written down what confused them; then note what you could do to make that less confusing.

All games, or at least all games with plots, need that aspect of playtesting; if you're not a natural writer, you just need to do it more assiduously. But I do recommend getting a staff writer or three.

Wow that is GREAT feedback.Thank you this is much more than what i was expecting.I have been looking for a good writer to help for a few days now but it is a bit tricky because i want someone who has a bit of experience with post apocalyptical settings.

Now:

The background plot is not necessary vampires vs humans that is only one of many sides to the story.The vampires are here to contribute to the dark and gritty atmosphere.They will be a playable race as well as humans and mutants as well and there will be alot of factions and quests based that will be vampire themed.The main plot sounds something like this :

"We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the
place for the first time.”
-T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets

-Before the disaster took place the United Nations were funding a project codenamed Aurora that was supposed research any threats mankind could be exposed to and develop countermeasures.The project consisted of a variation of different utilities designed for use in case of any disasters that were stored in an underground facility from where they could be used.One of the projects of this facility was developing a non-nuclear warhead that would be able to eradicate all structures and life on several thousand kilometers and also get rid of any radiation effect's thus purryfing a complete wasteland of all radiation.When the great holocaust started the facility was abandoned and all it projects were abandoned.But the Missle was already completed and ready for use at any time.
-The player finds out about a military organization(which was part of the Aurora project) that was created specialy in event of a nuclear holocaust by several countries.This organization has deep underground vaults that were equiped to sustain human life for long periods of time.The organization has somehow managed to remote acces the warhead and has activated it targeting Europe.The goal of this organization is to wipe out all lifeforms that have been exposed to radiation and get rid of the radiation covering the continent, then they would emerge from their vaults and rebuild the world.

That is what i would like the main plot to look like.The character motivation consists in the fact that he is the only one who knows about this bomb that will annihilate pretty much evrything including him and nobody believes him.So he either fixes it or gets killed like the rest of the wasteland.

Now that you mention it it does occur to me that corporations do not have their place here.The main goverment should be anarchy.I do not want to raise the amount of time that has passed because then new states of goverment(now non existant) should rise.But maybe that is a good ideea for some sort of primitive administration to form.

As far as the catastrophe goes i think there should be a cloud of mistery about it while still providing clues to the player as he unveils more about the main plot.Vampires are also the target of the military organization who wants to clean the wasteland of any "impurities".

I think you are right the mutants should fell more kinship to vampires than humans i will have to think more on this.This is what i have on mutants so far :

"All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood."
(Article 1 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights)

They come in a large variety from super-brained-but-low-muscle mutants to dumb-but-built-as-a-tank ones.Mutantions are spreading across the world as no one is safe from radiation.They are baned from some civilized locations but not all.Also they have their own faction's and communities where they can live unbothered.In most human communities mutants are not welcomed and on some occasions are shot on sight.Because they are rejected by most human communities mutants live in their own communities.Alot of mutants make a living by raiding and stealing from different vampire and human communities across the wasteland.These types of mutants can be found in raider gangs that live in secret hideouts across the wasteland.

As fas as the vampires go you have given me some good ideas to go on.I was thinking that the evil vampires should have humans as slave(human farms?) or something similar.Maybe some sort of deal the vampires and some humans have.Other vampires could feast on sintethic blood(i have to figure a way on how they could be creating it).

Thank you for you feedback it was greatly appreciated.

[Edited by - Slay on November 8, 2004 12:51:37 AM]

This is a revised intro:

1.1 Setting: The year is 2065, 40 years after a global catastrophe occurred. It happened so fast that people barely got to see the flash of light coming towards them. Hundreds of millions died and all that mankind had struggled to achieve was shattered into oblivion. Cities were gone in just a few short seconds wiped away by the devastating power of nuclear warheads. When it was over all was quiet, it would seem that mankind was annihilated, but there were some that made it to safety and managed to survive somehow during all this.
The world has changed much, some people have been living in underground vaults and fallout shelters and have been sealed off from the rest of the world, others have barely managed to survive on the surface and have suffered serious mutations or worse. But the flow of shocking events is not over as vampire communities and factions have started to emerge around the world. Different vampire factions have made their existence known to humans, mostly because it would be much harder then before to keep their existence a secret. Some are more willing to cooperate with the human civilization, others who keep to themselves and prefer to consider humans as a source of food. They seem to be somewhat resistant to radiation and their ability to hibernate for long periods of time has helped vampires to survive. The once beautiful continent of Europe has now turned into a radiated wasteland. The radiation levels vary throughout the desert, the safest places being the places furthest away from ground zero, where the bombs went off.
Radiation has affected the way the world was once in many ways. Animals as well as humans have all changed in one way or another due to the mutagens which led to the creation of new unique species. Mutated humans are referred to by others simply as mutants, each one being unique in one way or another as the radiation had different effects on each person exposed to it. Mutants are not welcomed in some human settlements but not all, they have their own cities and communities in which they try to survive by working together.
Europe is probably the most affected region in the world as genetic viruses and bombs have thoroughly decimated the population who was taken by surprise. The governments are dissolved and the state institutions have turned into bickering factions struggling for survival. Much has happened that has changed mankind forever, many say that man is doomed and that there is no hope, but still the struggle for survival takes place each day so perhaps there is still hope.



Please tell me what you think.

Edit:Fixed a few typos.

[Edited by - Slay on November 9, 2004 5:31:12 PM]

Thanks i am glad you like the ideea so far.Now:

-I am not sure what you mean by this,you are correct that there is not enough time for such a technology to be produced(i keep running into this time problem i will have to raise it again it seems heh),but it does seem logical to me that the UN who is a coalition of countries would try to develop such technology.If a country was nuked such technology could surely come in handy.

-I already thought about the genetic viruses creating vampires,but before i could ponder on the matter i had to scrap the genetic virus ideea simply because:
1)If the population was killed by a genetic nightmare that means that buildings and cities were left intact.And that makes it a bit hard and dificult to write the game.
2)I want this to be a non-linear p-a survival story-driven rpg.And if the buildings and cities were intact it would be harder for all the elements to fit in.

-Yes you are right that would be indeed a mystery who caused it and why.I want there to be a cloud of mystery because i want to leave room for a sequel if the game is slightly popular.

How does the main character learn about the bomb? It seems rather unlikely that he'd find out randomly, and if it's a freeform game, that means the player might never find out.

The world just survived a nuclear holocaust with humans surviving; how will this new bomb have sufficient power to destroy everything else? How will the shelters support life until the world becomes habitable again? Anything that kills all humans, either it's viral or it kills everything else at the same time. And if it's viral, chances are some people are immune. Chances are some won't be touched, especially with poor transportation after the apocalypse--the Black Death only took out a third of Europe's population, after all; even the deadliest virus wouldn't spread from Iberia to the Aleutians if there's no travel.

Posit, then, the possibility. Who would do such a thing? A p-a world would be easy to conquer. Religious zealots, wanting to destroy the vampires? Mutants seeking revenge? (They would have a full range of mutations, from inoperable limbs to third eyes to randomly placed tentacles to very thick skin to no lungs. Some might be geniuses; they probably wouldn't have defunct bodies. Some might be abnormally strong; they probably wouldn't be stupider than most.) Why would anyone destroy the world?

Ok first of all thakns this is really helping me create a good believable story&setting.I am stll working on finding a good writer but this is turning into being a litlle difficult.

-Ok now in 2025 i think the 5 countries that now hold nuclear power would destroy most missles.There would only be a few out of the 50000 or so that exist now.The world is nuked is such way that most people would die,around 95%.The remaining people would have to work together to survive.Now when people work together rivalries and such are always brought up.

-For the missle to work it would have to destry anything that was radiation touched and turn it into non-radioactive dust.At least this is the way i would see such an item function.Now t he organization(which was part of the aurora project in case of nuclear holocaust) would want to use this device because this wouldve been the initial procedure in case of nuclear war.But at the time the organization would receive it'z orders they did not speculate as to whether people would still be living on the surface.When the nukes went off this organization(i will have to find a name for it) was safe inside it's created vaults.(vaults like this were invented before in the 1960's,the facility would be equiped with indooer farming,water puryfying tools etc.)Now when they tried to launch the missle something bad occured and they lost contact with it.I hope this is a better explanation.Please any feedback on this is greatly appreciated i still have to work lots on this.

-You have some good ideeas here about the creepiness factor.But it would take some great writing skill(as the game is text based
)to implement this,also a very good 2d artist.So i will have to see on this.Maybe in the future i will do something like this as this would be a good ideea indeed.

-The player is kidnaped by * organization.They want to do research on the effects radiation is having on various species.The player was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.When he wakes up the game will start.
This is basicly how the player starts the game and it is here where he finds out litlle about this bomb.

-Now i am sure that in 2025 people would have the knowledge to create sealed underground vaults that could maintain human life for long periods of time.Now in event of a nuclear holocaust people would still survive.I think a 4-5% survival rate applies from what i have read,not sure though.

-Alot of the possibilites you suggested will be secondary plots.About the mutants taking revenge would be a bit tough mainly because this was done in fallout 1(a pc p-a roleplaying from '97).There will be alot of secondary plots to go around, at least that is what i intend.

Hope this clears some things.Thanks for the feedback this really gives me ideeas on what areas of the story to work on.Keep them coming!

[Edited by - Slay on November 9, 2004 1:42:09 PM]