I'm currently in the process of creating an action RPG, and while I'm still working on the engine, I've been trying to hammer out the details of the story so that I can have things ready when I move on to map creation, etc. A lot of these ideas have been bouncing around in my head and scrawled over numerous sheets of paper, but I think it's time that I got a bit of feedback to make sure things make sense and that suspension of disbelief can be maintained without gaping holes. It's likely that there's a lot of superfluous information here which won't actually come up in the game, and I'm sort of just tossing my ideas out there, but I'm still using it as a reference for writing that will be directly game-related. This is actually the first post out of three which I hope to make with regard to the game's story, the second of which will be the characters, and the third the actual plot. One thing I'm sort of wary of is originality. That's not to say I'm out to have the absolute most creative game out there (I'll freely admit that there's a lot of cyberpunk/Shadowrun influence here), but I'd really like to avoid any too-close-for-comfort similarities which could unintentionally be construed as rip-offs. There's a lot to sift through, I'll admit, but whatever help that can be offered is appreciated. Game World - History & Politics For many years, Lucania was a large democratic nation which maintained a balanced and reasonably successful economy through trade with the world's other two major powers, Athoren (a technologically advanced republic) and Korr (a heavily industrialized constitutional monarchy), as well as a number of the world's smaller countries. Many citizens, however, felt that the benefits of this relationship were not being adequately passed on to them, and suspected the government of taking bribes from the heads of numerous companies to curb the enforcement of industrial regulations. A little over twenty years ago, profits for Lucanian businesses rose as relations between its two main trading partners soured, and war between Athoren and Korr loomed, with both sides buying up resources for the coming conflict. Secretly both sides attempted to gain the support of Lucania's military, all the while suspecting that the opposition would win out. Finally, unwilling to risk having to fight two armies at once, the Korrese launched a series of strikes against Lucania. Being that this was the first major military conflict since widespread use of psionic energy became possible, the Lucanians were utterly unprepared and were unable to mount an effective defense. The resulting economic upheaval only led to further dissent, and within months, a coup overthrew the Lucanian government. In reaction, the Athorenians engaged the Korrese in a number of naval skirmishes, but both sides were wary of the power of the other, and the conflict dissolved into a cold war which continues to this day. Due to disagreements among the revolutionaries, a civil war broke out between numerous regional and political factions vying for power in Lucania. This conflict eliminated a number of smaller groups, while sapping the resources of the larger ones. Those that remained retreated to the areas in which they held the most power, forming independent city-states. From there, they expanded their influence over their immediate areas, but none were able to gain a significant advantage. Currently, the majority of these communities, especially the larger ones, are quite stable, as tensions have died down and many engage in regular diplomacy with others. However, there also exist large sections of the country in which lawlessness persists, and great care must be taken when traveling through these areas. Among the most successful of these mini-nations are the area around the continent's largest port of Horizon City, Seyban, where a number of international businesses have relocated to take advantage of relaxed economic restrictions, and the city of Madras, which is a center for gambling and various forms of professional entertainment (many of which are frowned upon elsewhere for their morally questionable nature). In addition, members of the old government who wish to retake power, with the group of military units still loyal to them, have established a high-security base of operations in the old capital (of the same name as the former nation). Out of the necessity for security in the absence of a unified military, a number of organizations offering protection and security services have emerged, most of which grew out of units from the former Lucanian Army. The most prevalent of these is Templar Security, which holds policing contracts with a number of major cities. In addition, there exists a large market for private soldiers and mercenaries to perform tasks for governments, organizations, and powerful citizens. Game World - Science and Technology Overall, the average level of technology is about a decade ahead of that in our world in most areas. Medical technology is advanced, with the first waves of cybernetics, nanotechnology, and gene therapy being introduced in recent years. Machines possessing intelligence of comparable levels to dogs or dolphins are used in a number of industries, though their expense limits their widespread use. Forays into the use of piloted humanoid robotic devices have resulted in mixed success, resulting in regular use in construction and mining. It has been concluded, however, that their joint mechanisms are too suceptible to damage for widespread military use, with wheeled and treaded vehicles still carying much of the workload. Still, smaller designs are used as shock troops in shorter engagements, as well as in areas with dense or uneven terrain which cannot be traversed by vehicles, or in situations where they are not expected to face significant return fire (SWAT teams, crowd control, bomb squads). Much of the scientific research in recent years has centered around the applications of psionic energy. It was first discovered approximately a hundred years ago, when individuals began to arise who could harness it to mentally perform a number of seemingly impossible feats. Scientists theorized that the human body was naturally developing an affinity with this energy which, as far as they could tell, had always existed undetected, hanging ambiently in the air. As impressive and entertaining as these abilities were, they had little practical benefit, and the individuals gifted with this power could only manifest it specific ways depending on the individual, with the most powerful of its users only being able to mentally light matches, or generate enough electricity to illuminate a small light bulb. Researchers believed that if one were able to gather more of this energy at once, more useful results could be achieved. Finally, a breakthrough was made with the invention of the focus cell, an intricate formulation of minerals which was able to hold significant amounts of psionic energy for extended periods. By this time, the number of people able to make use of this power had increased dramatically, and the world was eager to explore its potential. Construction companies sought skilled geomancers to assist in digging foundations and creating stronger building materials, hospitals hired those who exhibited the ability to heal wounds, and electric companies hired voltomancers to maintain their power grids. Of course, as with all other new technologies, the armed forces of the world were quick to take advantage of this newfound power, assembling units of skilled psionicists (especially pyromancers), and developing weapons equipped with huge focus cells which could be powered by multiple soldiers simultaneously. Today, the research community continues its work, developing more efficient focus cells, and seeking new applications for them. Whew.... Still with me? That's all I've got for now, so feel free to let loose. Don't worry, I've got a thick skin, but I'd prefer if everything were constructive.

Well personally I would have described the story first and the game world afterwards, since the world should exist as a setting for the story, to support the themes discussed in it. I son't see at all what sort of thematic value this worldbuilding is supposed to have, but I'll wait for the post explaining the story before I criticize anything.

Actually, if it counts for anything, I started by developing my general ideas about the characters and story and created those first, then built the world around them, but I just thought this was a more logical order to present it in. Guess I thought wrong. Unfortunately, though, typing up the rest of this information is taking longer than I had expected, especially with classwork and other commitments getting in the way. Hopefully, I'll have something up in the next few days.

Quote: Original post by sunandshadow
Well personally I would have described the story first and the game world afterwards, since the world should exist as a setting for the story, to support the themes discussed in it. I son't see at all what sort of thematic value this worldbuilding is supposed to have, but I'll wait for the post explaining the story before I criticize anything.

A lot of people, especially for RPG type settings, develop an interesting world first, fleshing out nations, cities, resources, etc. When one develops a believable world, whether or not its a fantasy setting is really irrelevant at this point, it's easy to generate a plot that builds on the existing details.

Most DnD enthusiasts take this approach as its easier to adapt and immersive for the player.

Personally, I don't give a damn about the setting. It's important to the story development, sure. I find it's the character development that would capture anyone's interest. I do have to admit, the setting is hard to make up with. You came up with a good setting, try talking about your main storyline though. There has to be a reason why your character is venturing onto the worldmap to kill monsters/soldiers/anything-that-moves.

Well, the setting seems to be straightforward science fantasy. The two things that stand out in your description;

Quote: Machines possessing intelligence of comparable levels to dogs or dolphins are used in a number of industries, though their expense limits their widespread use.

This reminds me of Darwin from that old TV show Seaquest. I liked Darwin. Or! Or! The Tachikomas from Ghost in the Shell; though they were probably a bit smarter than you're envisioning for the machines in your story.

Quote: Construction companies sought skilled geomancers to assist in digging foundations and creating stronger building materials, hospitals hired those who exhibited the ability to heal wounds, and electric companies hired voltomancers to maintain their power grid.

You could take a direction similar to Frank Herbert's Dune with mentats, if you've read that book; specially trained people in a specific caste to take the most advantage of their individual skills.

I'm not citing these because they haven't been done (nothing new under the sun) but because they haven't been done much, or they haven't been done well. If you're not sure where your plot is, these might be some areas to focus on.

If you are, they are still interesting points!

Your setting is one of the few posts over a page in length which has managed to keep my attention enough for me to read the whole thing. Good work!

I like how there are three main nations. You will be able to have fun with the dynamics between them. Maybe the player could even affect the relations between the nations for his/her own gain, or the "greater good".

The first science paragraph is good, but I didn't really like your idea for psychics. A power "hanging ambiently in the air" which humans are learning how to use didn't strike me as very interesting, and the use of mineral to focus their power is a bit cliche.
I did however like how the development of psychic technology was driven by industry and the military, I just didn't like the basis of that technology.