Sure, although like I said before if it's more than 3 screens-full it would be better to upload a document and post a link. [smile]

If that is the only reason I would actually prefer linking because I can control the page width and line space.

These chapters are much shorter on html to fit about 3 screen space.

01

Who would you describe the narrator's character?

Well I'm still confused - maybe more confused, lol. But here's what I thought of the narrator. It was very peculiar that several symbolic actions were mentioned, but in no case was the symbolism of them explained, as if the narrator either didn't realize or didn't care about the symbolism. When the narrator says he feels joy at the death he doesn't speculate about why. Rearranging furniture without a satisfactory result seems to indicate that he wants his internal uncertainty to go away but is not aware enough of his inner self to begin rearranging things there, and perhaps isn't quite sane. I believe the psychological term for this type of behavior is displacement, combined with blunted affect or inappropriate affect. Googling and wikipedia did not turn up a particular type of insanity which exactly matched the symptoms, although Schizophrenia was somewhat close.

Yes, the Narrator does not necessarily understand the symbolisms around him, the Reader will see more. Is confusion something you dislike? What do you dislike in 01?

What I dislike the most in 01 is that I named two characters. When I read, everytime names pop up, I felt that I had to memorize.

02

[Edited by - Wai on September 6, 2007 11:50:02 AM]

Yes it's just my personally taste to dislike confusion - I like the what and why of everything happening to be clear so I can guess what is going to happen next and especially so I can anticipate how a future occurrence would impact the characters' emotions in amusing ways. But, I know other readers who prefer to be continually surprised by a novel, and others who demand that everything be understandable at the end but enjoy putting together clues and theories until that point.

It's true that naming characters does tell the reader to pay attention because these characters will be important later, although this does not apply as much for a character the reader knows is already dead.

Looking at the way I have been writing, I think that it would take about 12 chapters to get to section 2 in the original outline. In the original plan, Paradise doesn't come until the story is in section 3. I actually need a way to introduce the Avatar way before that.

The narrator enters in chapter 1, the Housemate in 2, so the Avatar should actually be entering in 3. But this is what I had originally for chapter 3.

03

The Avatar should be entering around now. But it hasn't. What I was doing in 03, is to setup a trap for later. In 03, the narrator and housemate are living in harmony. Later on when the narrator wants to change things, the reader and the narrator would both know that it would break the harmony with the housemate.

But at the moment in 03, the reader wouldn't really know that something will go wrong. A better way to do 03 is to incorporate it into a dialogue so that it doesn't just serve as a setup. It seems too obvious that I have been setting up symbols, although the reader may not know what they are for. Perhaps the narrator should express more opinions to divert the attention.

I would personally call your section 1 2 and 3 scenes rather than chapters. Chapters are often composed of about 3 scenes, 3,000-5,000 words. But it's also fine to have shorter chapters or no chapters, only scenes.

Oh did you intend to write the scenes in the exact order you listed them?
CW1 - Housemate wasting his own things
CW2 - Housemate wasting things shared but separable
CW3 - Housemate wasting things shared and not separable
CW4 - Housemate wasting Narrator's things

That's not a good idea, because it would be boring to read. It would be better to spread them throughout the novel, or at least the first half, interleave them with scenes about the avatar and the narrator's emotions/sanity, and maybe combine CW2 and CW3 or CW2 and CW4.

I like section 3 - you could put section 3 into section 2, where the narrator is anticipating his roommate coming home, or you could put section 3 first where the narrator is going to the dojo, before the disturbing announcement, and you could also introduce the arrangement of the desk as a long-standing annoyance there. The way you have it currently you are beginning immediately with the initial incident - this is emotionally strong but more confusing, while the approach of having an orienting prologue establishing the setting and narrator's normal life is not as dramatic but more clear. Either option would work well for your story.

I intend to interlace everything, it is not going to be like: step 1, step 2, .... I am changing the tone of the narrator to hide all the symbols.

I wrote this based on the comment you had about the dojo being a place where unrelated people come together.

00

Is this easier to read? (page 02 is not done.) With the new pace, the death scene would come on page 5 or 6. I can introduce the roommate on page 2, the avatar on page 3 hopefully. It seems pretty hard to smoothly direct the flow into talking about the avatar.

[Edited by - Wai on September 7, 2007 12:23:51 PM]

There was something I didn't like about it, but I had to sleep on it to figure out exactly what. This morning I realized that the part I don't like about the rewrite is actually in the original too, the rewrite just made it more obvious. What I don't like is having the narrator philosophize directly to the audience. It wouldn't be so bad if he were the type of character that always philosophized, but he's not, it's a major aspect of his character that he lacks wisdom (I think that would be the right Dramatica term for it) at least at the beginning of the story. So I think starting with a speech which does not take place in the context of the story world weakens immersion and having the understanding behind the speech be inconsistent with the narrator will have on the next page confuses readers.


On a somewhat different note, I personally think it's best not to re-write anything until an initial draft of everything, or at least several things, are written. I never know what the perfect beginning would be until I know what the middle and end are from having written the rough draft of them, so major rewriting before I know that usually turns out to be wasted effort because I just have to re-rewrite it later.

do you mean that it is better to start on this page instead:

01-01

The narrator is the philosophizing type. In the story, he was driven into a corner because he philosophizes/thinks/concerns too much. It is not a story about a person from knowing nothing to learning something, but more from knowing something to knowing when not to think.

Do you think that it is a better idea if I just write unconnected passages from different section according to the original outline? Or do you mean I should continue from 03?

"having the understanding behind the speech be inconsistent with the narrator will have on the next page confuses readers."

Is this because it is not clear that the next page is a flashback? I think I messed up on the tense.

[Edited by - Wai on September 7, 2007 3:50:46 PM]