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Triple pronged narrative - feedback and suggestions appreciated

Eduardo Friedman · 2008-03-20T07:02:57

Hello, everyone. First or all, thank you for taking your time to read this thread. The narrative I am asking feedback on is a bit different. There is a play called "Bridal Dress," by Brazilian playwright Nelson Rodrigues, which features an ordinary story: woman (Alaide) steals boyfriend (Pedro) from sister (Lucia), sister gets really upset, plans to murder Alaide with Pedro); yet, quite an unusual narrative. It's divided in 3 planes: - The Reality Plane: it's the least important one. The protagonist is being operated on after being run over by a car. - The Hallucination Plane: it's where the story takes place. The protagonist meets someone who she has always fantasized about meeting (Madam Clessi, a female pimp), and both explore their pasts. - The Memory Plane: it's where all character development takes place. We see how the conflict between the sister took place, Alaide's wedding with Pedro, Clessi being murdered, etc. I thought a narrative similar to that would work wonders in a game, and so I started thinking about possible scenarios something like that could work, and I came up with this: [THE SCREEN IS BLACK. WE HEAR SWORDS CLASHING AND A MAN, MEYER, GRUNTING, FOLLOWING BY A THUD] [BEAT] [SCREEN IS STILL BLACK. WE NOW SEE A MAN, MEYER, RUNNING FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER. HE IS 30-ISH, AND IS WEARING A CROWN AND RATHER FANCY CLOTHING. HE IS A KING.] MEYER (shouting): Where are you? [beat] Where are... I need you! [NOTHING. UTTER SILENCE. THEN…] MEYER (shouting): Mother! [beat] Mother? (quieter) [FINALLY, WE SEE SOMEONE APPEARING. IS IT HIS MOTHER, EDEL. SHE IS IN HER EARLY 40S, AND IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. SHE IS WEARING A LONG BLUE DRESS, WITH WHITE AND YELLOW ORNAMENTS. SHE WALKS TOWARDS MEYER, NEVER TURNING HER BACK TO THE CAMERA OR TO MEYER.] EDEL (comforting): There, there, dear. I am here. MEYER: I’ve done everything you wanted me to do, [now shouting] so why is this happening to me?! EDEL (astonished): Whatever do you mean, dear? MEYER: You have raised me to be [slight pause] the king of kings from an early age, You have taught me everything. [after a beat, sad] Do you not remember the day at the lake, Mother? [FLASHBACK: A VERY YOUNG MEYER, AROUND 8 YEARS OLD, IS WITH HIS MOTHER, WHO IS AROUND 30 YEARS OLD. THEY ARE SITTING IN A PIER.] EDEL: My dear, someday, all of this will be yours. Your father is a wonderful ruler; he really listens to me [chuckle]. I hope you’ll hear too. MEYER: Of course I will, Mother! [they both laugh] But without you by his side, who taught Father everything? ANAT, THE ORACLE: I did. [ALL OF A SUDDEN, ANAT, THE ORACLE, SHOWS UP. HE IS A VERY OLD MAN, WEARING YELLOW-ISH ROBES AND DONNING A LONG WHITE BEARD.] EDEL: Oh, Anat. Good morning. [cold] ANAT, THE ORACLE: Good morning, my Queen. [he bows] And how is our future king? MEYER: I’m great! Mother was teaching me all about the lake, and how it’ll belong to me when I’m king! [very excited] ANAT, THE ORACLE: Oh, how fantastic, Prince Meyer! [happily] EDEL: Anat, if you’ll excuse us, we must prepare for lunch. [gets up] Come, Meyer. [MEYER GETS UP AND ACCOMPANIES HIS MOTHER.] ANAT, THE ORACLE: [bows] Have a good day, both of you. MEYER: Bye, Anat! [MEYER AND EDEL WALK AWAY. WHEN THEY’RE FAR ENOUGH FROM ANAT…] EDEL: Never, ever, trust that man, Meyer. Did you understand? MEYER (surprised): Yes, Mother. [END OF FLASHBACK. WE’RE BACK TO THE DARK SCREEN.] EDEL: I remember it well, dear. MEYER: Then you must also remember that I heard you, Mother. EDEL: Yes, but that was not enough. [EDEL TURNS AROUND, TURNING HER BACK TO MEYER. WE SEE A KNIFE IN HER BACK, AND BLOOD ALL OVER THE BACK OF THE DRESS.] That’s what I have so far of script. I have a lot more planned out, including, of course, who Meyer is fighting in the beginning, and why. You can clearly see what the aforementioned play and my story have in common, right? That introduction chapter is meant to leave a number of questions, who pretty much set up the following chapters, like who killed Edel, and why? What’s the deal with Anat? Why did Meyer’s mother, the Queen, taught him everything (supposedly), and not his father, the King? FEEDBACK NEEDED: Is the structure easy to follow? Or do you think it can be rather confusing? I mean, if this was done in a play, dividing the stage and all, I don’t see how it can’t be done in a game, which a much richer format, presentation-wise. I even wrote a paper addressing the difficulties of staging the play, so I’m aware of what not to do. Now, I know I’m not supposed to talk about too much about gameplay here, but, unfortunately, I have to. I want each flashback to feature a different kind of game. For instance, in a later chapter, Meyer, now the king, has to protect his kingdom from invaders, and so this results in a RTS game. In another, he learns fencing and swordfighting. In another, he learns how to dance (QTE sort of thing), etc. Then there’s the whole multiplayer thing, but that doesn’t matter, because this is way too much for me right now. SUGGESTIONS NEEDED: This is a character-driven game, but I don’t want people to get bored with plot exposition. I want them to know that right after this (hopefully) short scene, they’ll do something different, you know? My problem is that I can’t think of interesting ways to lead into flashbacks other than “Do you remember [whatever]?” or “[important event] was important, remember?” I can’t simply start the flashback, because the characters are telling stories to one another. Also, sometimes I’ll want to address the “reality plane” (the sword fight), but I don’t know how I can get back there. Since you won’t see a thing (for a while), I don’t know what to do. Any suggestion/feedback is very appreciated. And thank you again for taking the time to read. I know it's a tad long. [Edited by - Eduardo Friedman on February 19, 2008 6:57:39 PM]

Writing for Games Game Design

Started by Eduardo Friedman February 17, 2008 09:02 PM

9 comments, last by Mr Glass 16 years, 4 months ago

Mr Glass

122

March 20, 2008 07:02 AM

Hum, intresting idea about using the string quartet.
You'll probably find that as you go further into your story you have more Symbolism than you realise and only notice certain piece that you've added on a second read. I know when I am thinking up a story it's just a case of writing it down, letting it flow and then see what the end result is.

Going back to the string quartet. I cant think of any game today that does not have some form of music in it. I would guess that adding music would come further down the road, first completeing the story and making sure the mechanics of the game worked and then finding musical pieces to suit it.
But this is your game and if you feel strongly about that type of music I cant see why you cant make it work.

Mr Glass.

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Triple pronged narrative - feedback and suggestions appreciated

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Triple pronged narrative - feedback and suggestions appreciated

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