Yeah, I know my stuff pretty well (kind sad how well, actually)

My point is you need to move away from your inspirational material; renaming or relocating stuff is not a good way to create a fictional universe. I would try thinking of more fundamental things that you could have changed.
An example: Why have the different factions in space, even? Why wouldn't different earthly countries be appropriate? Why would they be?
You do have your own ideas, I'll grant that, but you need to put them in their own setting made just for them.

Start thinking cause and effect(or vice versa), for example you have your Combat Suits, but why are they so important? You would have to justify them, like this:

Idea: CS's are very important in terms of military power.
Justification: They give concentrated firepower and incredible mobility to troops more efficiently than standard weapon systems

Or:

Idea: Gender is an important factor in CS functionality
Justification: Male and Females have different responses to the suit
Justification's Justification: Men and Women have subtely different neural patterns that must be accounted for

This is how I come up with stuff; get a cool idea and explain it within the limits of the story universe. Try just busting out a paragraph explaining a particular idea you like- write 'til you can't write no more, and ignore structure and spelling, no one's gonna read it but you.
Putting ideas down and thinking them out is a sure way to make more of them.

I just had to do this recently, hope this helps, I was kinda grumpy last night(Spring break and I got a cold, great)

Quote: Original post by Prinz Eugn
Yeah, I know my stuff pretty well (kind sad how well, actually)

My point is you need to move away from your inspirational material; renaming or relocating stuff is not a good way to create a fictional universe. I would try thinking of more fundamental things that you could have changed.
An example: Why have the different factions in space, even? Why wouldn't different earthly countries be appropriate? Why would they be?
You do have your own ideas, I'll grant that, but you need to put them in their own setting made just for them.

Start thinking cause and effect(or vice versa), for example you have your Combat Suits, but why are they so important? You would have to justify them, like this:

Idea: CS's are very important in terms of military power.
Justification: They give concentrated firepower and incredible mobility to troops more efficiently than standard weapon systems

Or:

Idea: Gender is an important factor in CS functionality
Justification: Male and Females have different responses to the suit
Justification's Justification: Men and Women have subtely different neural patterns that must be accounted for

This is how I come up with stuff; get a cool idea and explain it within the limits of the story universe. Try just busting out a paragraph explaining a particular idea you like- write 'til you can't write no more, and ignore structure and spelling, no one's gonna read it but you.
Putting ideas down and thinking them out is a sure way to make more of them.

I just had to do this recently, hope this helps, I was kinda grumpy last night(Spring break and I got a cold, great)

Thanks but the Gender factor and millitary power is the main idea of the story. The Valkyrie and the Zerona are just the begginning the EFA's next suit Necros is gonna be somewhat more interesting. Thanks for your help, my original blueprint for this story was so Gundam I scrapped it. Xenon will be a gritty Post-War/Pre-War story. And oh the Earths population will be wiped out at the end of Xenon:Last Stand. This may prompt a war between the ESF and Lunaria for some type of territory. I'll post more about Xenon if any one is interested.

lol, now that i think about it. the male-only and female-only "suits" are derived from another anime. i can't remember the name of it though. it played on one of the encore channels.

ur still gonna need a very plausible reason to explain though. engineering and mathematics abound and some biology also.

Sure, your second paragraph is more or less fine, although some editing is in order (grammar, sentence structure)
I'd rewrite it completely, just to clarify stuff- you can leave out a lot of things when you get caught up in writing.

Quote: Original post by Alpha_ProgDes
lol, now that i think about it. the male-only and female-only "suits" are derived from another anime. i can't remember the name of it though. it played on one of the encore channels.

Vandread perhaps?

Quote: Original post by yapposai

Quote: Original post by Alpha_ProgDes
lol, now that i think about it. the male-only and female-only "suits" are derived from another anime. i can't remember the name of it though. it played on one of the encore channels.

Vandread perhaps?

No, it was one played on Tech TV(at the time). But the story was reverse, that men couldnt use the suits and only women could because of a limiter.

Quote: Original post by neogoukix

Quote: Original post by yapposai

Quote: Original post by Alpha_ProgDes
lol, now that i think about it. the male-only and female-only "suits" are derived from another anime. i can't remember the name of it though. it played on one of the encore channels.

Vandread perhaps?

No, it was one played on Tech TV(at the time). But the story was reverse, that men couldnt use the suits and only women could because of a limiter.

actually it was Vandread i was thinking of, but since neogoukix said it was another show. i'm curious what was the name of the show?

Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure, I think.
Wikipedia's awesome.
[edit]: Any of these?

Quote: Original post by Prinz Eugn
Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure, I think.
Wikipedia's awesome.
[edit]: Any of these?

Yeah thats it, Wikipedia is awesome.

Wasn't Xenon the prototype name for the Xbox 360? Try and move away from things that inspire you. You're not the only one who does this, that's why there's 50 billion Lord of the Rings rip-off with elves and magical items.

[Edited by - Morpheoz on March 29, 2006 1:05:04 PM]