Novel Workshop #2
I keep wondering whether I should try to respond to this assignment or not...
I want to help design a "sandpark" MMO. Optional interactive story with quests and deeply characterized NPCs, plus sandbox elements like player-craftable housing and lots of other crafting. If you are starting a design of this type, please PM me. I also love pet-breeding games.
In the first chapter, the main character observes one thing strikingly good about the paradise. He tries it in his own world, and discover that it is impossible given the circumstance* in his world.
In the second chapter, he is back to paradise, and he looks at how the circumstance* is different in paradise that allows them to have the property in chapter one. He identifies why paradise could do so, and return. Upon returning, he discovers another circumstance** in his world that made it impossible.
and so on... everytime he returns to his world, he identifies a greater, more encompassing, and more uncontrollable circumstance that makes the paradise impossible. Each return from paradise leaves him feeling more hopeless. Going towards the climax, the main character thinks that the paradise is impossible, it must be a lie, an illusion. It cannot be the real future...
This structure implies that the themes/chapters follows an order of hierarchy. I didn't see this before and didn't arrange them in the right order.
At the end of the story, I am leaning toward having the main character and the lover from future living together back in the present.
New attempt at the logline:
A man with visions of a future free of suffering grows distraught trying to find the its path.
[Edited by - Wai on August 24, 2007 11:16:42 AM]
But yes, I agree that we seem to be honing in on what you want to do. [smile] And your realization about the thematic hierarchy is a good one.
Quote: Original post by Wai
A man with visions of a future free of suffering grows distraught trying to find its path.
This however still lacks a verb related to the climax. It should be more like "A man with visions of a future free of suffering grows more distraught until finally _something happens_."
I want to help design a "sandpark" MMO. Optional interactive story with quests and deeply characterized NPCs, plus sandbox elements like player-craftable housing and lots of other crafting. If you are starting a design of this type, please PM me. I also love pet-breeding games.
Through their futile attempt to reconstruct the events bridging the present and a future free of suffering, the protagonists learn how the future comes to be.
Edit: Oh I though of a good metaphor. [smile] you know how when you want to make a drawing of a person first you draw a sick figure or figure made out of circles to establish the pose and proportions? A logline is like that. Stick figures are not pretty, and they all look the same, but they are important to making your final drawing be proportional and dynamic.
[Edited by - sunandshadow on August 24, 2007 7:16:28 PM]
I want to help design a "sandpark" MMO. Optional interactive story with quests and deeply characterized NPCs, plus sandbox elements like player-craftable housing and lots of other crafting. If you are starting a design of this type, please PM me. I also love pet-breeding games.
Now the fun begins, coming up with my own plot for my own novel! I think I'm going to need some coffee...
I grew up in Erie on the lower east side. I moved away to the South and have been back for a number of years. Hi - fellow Erieite.
Partial reduction with attempts at logline, premise, and themes.
I'll have some things to say about tragedy and Magic a little later.
1. The story begins on a rather run down avenue in the heart of Boston. The entirety of the exterior buildings are a recollection of old detective movies, but the inside is a stark contrast - bleached with white wall paper. The protagonist of the story is introduced, a witty Rory Keegan. It would appear, compared to the former reference, that at any minute a dazzling bombshell will enter pleading for his almighty assistance. Although this does not prove true when two stereotypical thug-types enter through the wood-framed archway. The three men enter in discussion, and as the opening scene nears its end, it is obvious that the trio have agreed upon a murder contract. A dialogue will ensue whereas Rory Keegan will explain his philosophical defense as the contractor of murder. Men come to him to pursue financial opportunities through the spilling of blood, and all payment is upon proof of death - to be frank, obituaries.
2. The scene shifts to a household as the evening progresses. It’s late, nearing eight or nine, and the household is winding down. Two boys are seen doing the dishes after what appears to be an extensive meal, natural in this house for a Sunday. As they finish, bidding so long to their parents in unconscious goodbyes, they grab their remarkably drab leather jackets and exit into the rain. Their fading car lights can be seen through the window. A brief pause at the window and it would appear new lights float by, not too uncommon for a connector neighborhood in Boston. The two parents in their mid-forties are upstairs on the bed, husband watching some rowdy game show while his wife thumbs through a magazine. All of a sudden the lights flicker and black out, apparently the storm striking a pole somewhere nearby. Between the pattering of the rain on the shingles, Rory Keegan’s voice pipes up again. He non-chalantly continues his moral explanation of his business. The dialogue of husband and wife over-power this, as the man heads across the hall to retrieve a flashlight. The front door creaks and Rory starts up again, in a verse bored with himself and his rehearsed rambling. Two young men enter the house, lacking an identifying leather jacket on one of them. The husband has now found the flashlight and clicked it on, swerving it left and right until it stumbles upon the doorway. Two knife wielding men stand there, long faces presented. Rory has neared the end of his speech, as the husband slowly backs away. The reiterated “I wouldn’t kill innocent men.” ends his narration, and thunder cracks. The two men drop to the floor and Rory Keegan is seen behind them, easily identifiable, with two pistols in his hand.
The Road to Paradise
logline: A man struggles to find and walk the way toward a future free of suffering.
premise: The road to paradise begins in the mind.
outline:
01) a sudden death
The story begins with the news of a death around the main character. This incident got the main character thinking about life and its meaning. In this period, the main character learned something that would change his view.
02) wings of paradise
The main character thought about an ideal future, after much thoughts, he saw why many attempts to change the present into a paradise have failed. He believed that two concepts are essential to getting to paradise.
03) inertia
The main character discovers that the values he learned about the paradise contradicts some parts of his way of life. While it would be easy to change for himself. It would be difficult to change with the people around him.
04) fear
The main character found others who share the same vision, but at the same time, he found a fear in himself that keeps himself from changing.
05) the cemetery
the main character visits the cemetery to overcome the fear and stereotypes.
06) the walk to paradise
The main character balance between the ways of life of the two worlds. The road to paradise is long and narrow. But it widens as people walk it.