I know what you want this novel to be, but an erotic fantasy doesn''t have to include scenes with oral sex to be what you want it to be. Scenes like this may turn on (as it were) half of your audience, but the other half (people more iffy about stuff like that than I am) will not want to read a book like that. When you are writing, you have to try to keep your ideas for as large an intended audience as possible, and just cleaning up scenes like that would greatly increase the number of people who would read and enjoy your book. I''m sorry if you think I''m being overly critical, or stomping all over your style, but I just want you to write the best novel you can, and I feel that you don''t need an oral sex scene to sell your book. I think it would be a detriment, myself, because I know I wouldn''t want to read about someone swallowing down someone''s cock. That grosses out most of the heterosexuals out there. Just make sure you aren''t offending your intended audience. Good luck,

Richard Veysey

quote: Original post by RichardMV
I know what you want this novel to be, but an erotic fantasy doesn''t have to include scenes with oral sex to be what you want it to be. Scenes like this may turn on (as it were) half of your audience, but the other half (people more iffy about stuff like that than I am) will not want to read a book like that. When you are writing, you have to try to keep your ideas for as large an intended audience as possible, and just cleaning up scenes like that would greatly increase the number of people who would read and enjoy your book. I''m sorry if you think I''m being overly critical, or stomping all over your style, but I just want you to write the best novel you can, and I feel that you don''t need an oral sex scene to sell your book. I think it would be a detriment, myself, because I know I wouldn''t want to read about someone swallowing down someone''s cock. That grosses out most of the heterosexuals out there. Just make sure you aren''t offending your intended audience. Good luck,

Richard Veysey

I don''t think you''re being overly critical, and I understand your reasoning for making this suggestion. I do think it''s kind of amusing that you picked oral sex as the place to draw the boundary, since that''s not only one of the more mild things I have planned, but also one I''ve done and enjoyed myself. There''s a quesion for you - do you think reading about oral sex would still be gross if it were performed by a girl? Personally, I think cocks taste nice and can''t quite imagine what people think would be gross about sucking one.

At any rate, I have other concerns here than pleasing the largest possible auience. I personally am always dissapointed by stories that set up a great romance but then gloss over the sex, and since I have criticized many writers for doing this it would be really hypocritical for me to do it in my own writing. I feel that would be selling out, giving in to the prudes, the same people who say "Don''t swear, you might offend delicate ears.", and "Best not to talk about sex at all, much less homosexuality." and "I don''t need R-rated movies polluting my mind. (Implying of course that there coudn''t possibly be a worthwhile and artistic X-rated movie.)" I support the ACLU and the Comix Legal Defense Fund. I feel that the erotic impulse is at the foundation of the whole field of esthetics, and it''s shameful that not only does our culture hide sex from children and label it shameful, but even adults in our culture seem unable to imagine erotica that is literary quality writing - who will show people the skill and loving care erotica deserves to be written with if not me?

Plus, like I said, the sex scenes are one of the most fun parts to write. And the more fun the writing is, the more likely I am to actually get the novel written - wouldn''t be much point arguing about what was too risque to put in if there isn''t a book to put it in.

quote: Original post by Anonymous Poster
I read teh first page, tehn skipped to the end (Bed is a calling, sorry. But I bookmarked this so I can re-read it tomorrow and see how much of an ass this post makes,)

I really like the concept, but the follwoing spring to mind (Bear in mind I work inscoence, and so I can''t suspend my belief totally when I am under the influence)

<mode=pedantic> Phoenotypically male, genotypically female would be rare in a population.

You have Alpha and Beta, but state that alpha is the common percentile. You can''t have a race in a miltaristic, highly stuctured society that is common (IMHO), you at least need a Gamma class of serfs, if not an Omega Class (Maybe the constructs) That all of society, gender apart can feel superior to). Depending on how these are seen will depend on if the Military has a ''cannon fodder'' class.

Personally (and forgive if I missed this) I''d add tension by at least the threat of war, so that the protagonists feel like they need to live for the present, and sod the consequences.
If there is a war, or at least a conflict zone, what price heightened emotions on the scene of a battle, and how much will a C/O look the other way if a prized, elite soldier will be willing to cross the line on the eve of a major battle ?

Like I said, I may look back tomorrow and delete all this as crud, but I hope that there''s some help, even if it is just my encouragement

Bp

Hi Bp, I do appreciate your encouragement. I think most of your questions are answered in the novel design doc I linked to a few posts above this one - you should look at that rather than trying to wade throught this whole thread.

I''ll answer some of your comments though, because they are intelligent and thoughtful responses to what you''ve read so far.

First, Alpha males are not a social class or a race, they are a gender, and some of them are lower class cannon fodder, while officers are mostly nobility.

Seond, the threat of war. i don''t want to write about an actual war because I don''t want to write about people getting killed it wouldn''t fit with the romantic/comic atmosphere I''m trying to create. But I have been planning to put in either a coup fought for control of the military academy, or a supremicist movement that gains momentum and must be defeated, or both. I was also thinking that people participating in a wargame at the academy might use this as cover to launch their real attack and catch everyone by surprise. Do you like any of these ideas?

I won''t talk any more about the oral sex issue. If you''re happy with it, I''m happy with it. Being a guy, the whole concept itself is gross to me, but since you say you have the experience... anyway, I suppose as long as you don''t have any Christian messages in your book, you won''t have anyone trying to ban it or anything . Have fun writing.

Richard Veysey

quote: Original post by RichardMV
I won''t talk any more about the oral sex issue. If you''re happy with it, I''m happy with it. Being a guy, the whole concept itself is gross to me, but since you say you have the experience... anyway, I suppose as long as you don''t have any Christian messages in your book, you won''t have anyone trying to ban it or anything . Have fun writing.

Richard Veysey

Okay. So, what do you think of the idea of Kayden as the leader of a supremicist movement?

A supremecy group usually resorts to violence to back up their beliefs, and it usually always comes to a form of terrorism. Terrorism leads to retaliation against it (at least in modern times), and retaliation leads to armed conflict and, perhaps, outright rebellion. If you use a supremecy group, odds are you''re going to have to work hard to keep your story going the way you want it. I know you have a strong enough hold on your ideas to acomplish it, but I know that sometimes a story can take you in unexpected directions. you could go with that and see where the story takes you, just be prepared to be taken to a place you didn''t expect to end up. That always happens when I write something long and detailed. No matter where it takes you, as long as you are happy, you should go with it. If the story seems to have a natural direction, it would be like fighting against the tides to go against that direction. I believe that,in reality, although we have some control over our ideas, they also have control of themselves.